Tuesday, February 12, 2019

Remembering Avi (By Yoav Schaefer)

Dear friends,

I have been grateful for the love and support of this community over the years. Although I haven’t participated until now, I have always felt connected to this community. It has been deeply meaningful for me to read your touching and beautiful posts, which have helped to make this month, if not easier, then at least more meaningful. Thank you for inviting me to participate this year—it really means a lot to me.

Today is a difficult day for me. I think that I compress all of the pain and sadness and grief that I feel into a single day. But with the passage of time, I feel grateful for days like today, when I allow myself to be overwhelmed by the depth of my pain, by my sense of despair, by the world-shattering nature of my loss. I appreciate the time and space that today affords me to reminisce, to recall stories and memories, to remember Avi.

I want to share a poem that my partner, Nora, sent me today:

Separation
W. S. Merwin

Your absence has gone through me
Like thread through a needle.
Everything I do is stitched with its color.

Even as Avi’s absence continues to fill me with pain and sadness, there is so much in my life for which I feel grateful. I feel grateful for the support and love of family and friends. I feel grateful to Nora, who has allowed me to imagine, for the first time since Avi died, that my life will once again be full of love and happiness. And I feel grateful to Avi, who, despite the distance between us, continues to be present for me.

With love,

Yoav

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