Whew. It's February. And it hit me today, like an actual ton of bricks. I've been feeling so on top of things, and so in touch with my gratitude, and just...good. And then today, I couldn't sit still at work for the second half of the day, and I felt weird and anxious and icky and I couldn't wait to leave but I had meetings until 7pm and more meetings starting at 8:30pm and my roommates never wash their dishes and AGH!
sigh
I came to my room, which the magnificent Margaret (who cleans my house (about which I have mixed feelings)) had just tidied, and I fumbled to light the white and gold candles on my bookshelf, which match the white and gold curtains I bought from a lady named Kezia at the secondhand market (I washed them!), and I burned a delicious stick of nag champa incense, and flopped down to full-laying-down-ness on my floor. I set an alarm for 45 minutes later, and some things happened, and I did some things, and at the end of it, I felt a little more ready for - if also a little more, well, in - February.
I did some alternate nostril breathing and listened to this playlist straight through. I rested on my yoga blocks and this hilarious still point inducer. I let thoughts flood in, and drift away, and flood in again. And feelings came with the thoughts and on their own, and with tears and peace and wishing and resenting and lamenting and b r e a t h i n g I think I settled into this month that is upon us.
I'm telling you this for two reasons: first, I want to tell you about the things that were good for me today, in case they might be good for you, too, and learning about them or being reminded of them will help them be good for you. Secondly, I want to share the permission I gave myself today, and give it to all of us. We're aware of how truly good we have it, and also, sometimes days are really hard. Today, I spent 45 minutes sitting surrounded by self-care things in the way that sometimes toddlers sit surrounded by all the options of all the toys. I took all my things off the shelves and played with each for a moment, or many moments, as it suited me...and it was what I needed. So maybe these things are what you need, and maybe they're not, and maybe something else is, and maybe nothing quite hits the spot. If there's any way you can, I encourage you to give yourself 45 minutes. If not today, soon.
And if the whole thing above is just really not at all where you are right now...maybe this is. Or take a look at my friend Rose's work. It's coooool and it makes me feel excited about the world.
Sending so much love to you all.
R
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