Friday, February 28, 2020

Lost in the Forest

Hello Friends in February,

I could not let February move through me entirely without sending a digital wave your ways.

This 10 year marker became a full-on February for me, and I've spent the last couple of weeks wading through the deep waters this month is poised to invoke. At some point, talking to Tricia, she suggested I look at old posts. I did so for a few minutes- and I just want to say I recommend it, and also, thanks for embracing a decade of my quirkiness and poetry both on and off blogspot.

And now, just a quick link to a poem that says so much for me, in this moment, as I reach inward to the center of what is this community and reach out towards you all as shabbat approaches and will bring with her March. 

And then, an old favorite- one that I found in that very first February of all Februaries that recently popped up in my heart/mind in a sweet moment. Thanks to Rick Benjamin for the practice of learning poetry, and to David Wagoner for these words that continue to discover me when I am most in need of finding my way back.

Lost
by David Wagoner

Stand still. The trees ahead and bushes beside you
Are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,
And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,
Must ask permission to know it and be known.
The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,
I have made this place around you.
If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.
No two trees are the same to Raven.
No two branches are the same to Wren.
If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you,
You are surely lost. Stand still. The forest knows
Where you are. you must let it find you.


Love like the ocean,
Aya

Tuesday, February 25, 2020

[Feb 25] Better late than never!


I am so so sorry that I missed my date to post but better late than never!

Here's a piece that moved me a few months ago and I still think about a lot. It was circulating so maybe most of you have seen it, but sharing here in case you haven't:
https://www.reconstructingjudaism.org/news/godliness-faith-in-humanity-and-surviving-911

Lots of love and hugs to you all!

Tali

Sunday, February 23, 2020

[february 23, 2020] what's in a number?

Has this February been weird or what?

I’ve been wanting to write something for days… Finding myself somewhat speechless.

Today is ten years since my mom passed away. Ten years. Just thinking about how much has happened in that amount of time is breath-taking. How blessed we are to have each other over this span of time. 

We had the azkara/yahrtzeit for my mom a little early this year… I chose to read my sister’s eulogy, entitled, “Ima and Motherhood” because it resonated with me. 

My sister talked about how only when she became a mother and understood how difficult a job it really was, did she understand how gracefully my mom raised us.  Maya talks about how special it was to share motherhood with her mother, how Ima was the first person to hold the baby, how they marveled together that the baby’s tushy fit in the palm of their hand and how my mom told Maya that her tush used to be that small once too! I wonder what she would say about her little Einat-de-la-kush-kush becoming an Ima.

I always thought that when I had a baby, I would feel some closure with my mom. In this moment, it almost feels “too closed.” By which I mean … it feels like it all could have changed up until this point. And now ten years feels like it solidifies this truth in my life: my mom is not here.

And yet, I feel her with me and in me all the time. Dudi and I both absolutely felt her during the labor and delivery. It’s not the same, it’s a new relationship, but it continues to be one of the most defining relationships in my life.

When my mom was dying, I was writing a lot, specifically about how I felt that we were all “living the questions” (thank you, Rilke) and now I feel, perhaps more than ever, that I am living so many questions and it is overwhelming not to have answers. Aren’t I supposed to have answers now that I’m an adult? Apparently, that’s not how this works. And maybe I find some relief in that; in fact, I believe I am in good company (you all!) that would not want to have it any other way.

Thank you, Mary Oliver for always saying the right thing.


Mysteries, Yes
Mary Oliver
Truly, we live with mysteries too marvelous
   to be understood.
How grass can be nourishing in the
   mouths of the lambs.
How rivers and stones are forever
   in allegiance with gravity
      while we ourselves dream of rising.
How two hands touch and the bonds will
   never be broken.
How people come, from delight or the
   scars of damage,
to the comfort of a poem.
Let me keep my distance, always, from those
   who think they have the answers.
Let me keep company always with those who say
   “Look!” and laugh in astonishment,
   and bow their heads.









Friday, February 14, 2020

Amazing new podcast I'm really into

Wednesday, February 5, 2020

February 5, 2020 ~bonus post~

sylvester came to live with me recently. 
he must know everything that goes on in the apartment.

 "and what do you fill this tub with? water, is it?" 

"i must take a sample." 

["the laboratory is processing your results."]

"it tested clean. you may bathe.
what would you do without me?"


Sunday, February 2, 2020

[February 2]

Beloveds,

Le plan

Le schedule:

Ruthie2
Allie4
Nomi6
Brandon8
Sarah10
Anna12
Sophie13
Einat14
Sam15
Mordechai16
Jonah17
Tali18
Ruthie19
Aya20
Jana21

Le first post:

I recommend a read-aloud of this. Two or more people advised, but it'll be excellent if you read it to yourself (aloud).

Love,
Ruthie